So Many Changes…

Where to begin… I am now a work-from-home mom. Yep,I have no regular job now. It’s scary and sad, but my husband has convinced me that this a positive. I’m able to get healthy mentally (my job was really making me sick) and am working on my creative side. My husband is supportive — the day I was let go, he took me to lunch and we made a list of everything that I could do to bring in money without making me more stressed.

In the last month, I have managed to finish my poetry book and put it up for sale in my Blurb store. You can find it at: http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/1606123

I have to say, I am very proud of this book. It took a lot for me to release these poems. We will see how it does as I put my marketing plan into motion.

I have also been working on making jewelry. My goal, once I get the photos done, is to create an etsy store. I am pleased with how the pieces have turned out. It’s been lovely to play with the textures and colors of the stones.

So, in the last month, I’ve lost my job mainly due to my mental illness, finished and published a book, created over fifteen pieces of jewelry, and started healing. It’s taken me a while to come back to my blog. I didn’t want to look at it when I was still working. It was a reminder of everything I wanted to accomplish but couldn’t between time and health constraints. And then, when I was let go, I couldn’t bear to look at it for a while either.

And here I am, slowly getting myself put back together and moving forward. My family is being supportive in letting me take time to pursue my dreams and get healthy.

We shall see where this takes me. I’ll be more chatty and thoughtful later. I’m having a rough morning and need to keep going on my to do list.

Kentucky Summers

I may bitch and complain about the heat and humidity here in the Ohio River Valley. It actually, in my opinion, surpasses Washington, D.C. in the ick factor. But, I love Louisville and its surroundings, especially on days like today.

The humidity is down, the breezes are up… I stepped out of my office and my goal was simple: Get home and open up ALL of the windows to get the stale A/C air out of the house. It’s glorious! In fact, I indulged in something so decadent, I am almost ashamed to admit it –I took a half hour nap when I came home, the breezes dancing over my skin.

It was divine and I feel renewed.

So, I’m home alone this evening (at least after the Boy goes to bed) and I’m contemplating what I want to do. I think I shall see if I can coax that story out from behind my ear. Surely it will be lulled by the sounds of the night and the glimpses of lightning bugs.

I wonder if I can get away with calling tonight an early bedtime night?

Itchy Stories

There is a story stuck behind my left ear. It’s whispering to me and poking me. I wish it would move from where it is lodged behind my ear and down into my fingers so I can release it. It itches.

Scattered, Fractured, and Otherwise… Well, Whatever I Am

I’m totally scattered. I feel like every atom in my body is going a different direction. It’s very disconcerting really. I can’t seem to focus on any one thing — if not for the fact I’ve been taking my meds religiously, I’d wonder if I was manic… Ok, and I don’t have the lovely manic energy thing going. I’m whipped.

However, I’m beginning to find my feet again in regards to writing. I have a nephew who is an amazing artist and very up and coming in town. he seems to cut through bullshit with this wonderful zen-like attitude. Being around him is inspiring. It makes me want to write again.

Listening to the way Joe talks about his art is eye-opening to me. You see, I’ve been so focused on making my writing pay, that I forgot how much I simply love the process. I love the journey. There is a quote by Beatrix Potter that I loved but had let slip from my mind:

“There is something delicious about writing the first few words of a story. You never know where they’ll take you.”

I can’t tell you the last time I simply sat in front of the computer screen and let the words take me places. I can’t remember the last time I just went for a walk somewhere with my camera around my neck and a notebook in my pocket.

Perhaps my feeling so scattered and shattered and frazzled is because I’ve not created for the sake of creation. I don’t have to make the novel cover perfect. I need to get it up on Lulu and out there so I can share my stories with friends and family. If someone else likes the novel, that’s just gravy.

And slowly, the atoms return to their proper places. I feel a little better. I need to spend more time in the company of artists. I need to forget making money and just enjoy the process.

I want a gin and tonic too, but that’s another story all together.

In the Company of Artists

I miss talking shop. I miss sitting in a dingy cafe’, drinking coffee (or gin, depending on the time of day), and just shooting the shit with people about writing, poetry, art, religion, theory, you name it. I’ve gotten out of the habit of talking the talk. I’m well-versed in talking about housework (www.organizationforbitches.wordpress.com for instance), about raising an active son, and about dealing with bipolarism. But I’m out of practice doing my best impersonation of Sartre, madeleines and all.

Tonight might remedy that. Hubby and I are meeting an old friend of his who is firmly entrenched in the arts community here. She seems interesting and like someone I want to sit and talk to — but I’m nervous. Do I still have that artistic person inside me? Can she surface from beneath the veneer of motherhood, work, and every day life? I’m not like my husband who can be the most responsible working man you’ve ever met one moment and then the most creative genius the next. I need to prime the pump, so to speak…

So, here I am, sitting at my desk. I’m dressed like the proper executive assistant (blue toenail polish carefully hidden by my shoes). I am settled in for the day with my to do list for work and for family. In my bag, however, are a funky t-shirt, a great vintage necklace (yard sale score!), and jeans. I’ll change before heading out and see if I can, through liberal use of catseye make-up and loud music, get my artist groove on.

Wish me luck! This could be my ticket to finding someone to talk shop with and I so need that!

A Special Day

My dad is a photographer. He’s got an amazing eye for light, for detail, and for capturing a moment in time. He worked for Disney for many years — if fact, some of their most popular shots were done by my dad.

My dad has Parkinsons and is in the early stages of dementia. Add diabetes to the mix and he’s not well. Add a dollop of stubbornness when it comes to his meds and insulin… Well, we’ll just leave it at that.

However, the other day, thanks to the prodding and nagging of a family friend, we got his sugar down under 200. Not bad considering his lowest was 340. And suddenly, I had my dad back. I had brought my HP mini with us to show pictures of the Boy to our friend and we moved into the three of us (our friend was at Disney with dad in marketing) looking at my art shots.

It was the most enjoyable evening! I learned tons of how to set a shot up, how to bounce lighting with a white plastic spoon on your flash, and just how to look at things with a different eye. We got to hear stories of the early Disney days which my son has never heard and I had forgotten. This is all part of my heritage and something that I want to pass down: a love of photography and the stories of who his beloved Pop-pop was back in the day.

My son has never seen his grandfather well and strong. In fact, my son will get on Dad for not taking his shots or checking his sugar — and no, I didn’t put him up to it. But, that Saturday night, he got to hear about Pop-pop fighting a water moccasin that dropped into his boat in the swamp before Disney was built. He got to hear about Pop-pop playing golf and seeing a Florida panther on the course. He got to hear about Pop-pop being, well, Pop-pop. I learned a lot about photography that night, but looking back, I think my little boy got the best lesson of all.

Update on Goals So Far…

Well, let’s report in on what has been accomplished so far:

Goal One:

Check out grants on the Kentucky Foundation for Women site. DONE

I checked this site and found out that the grant I’m interested in will open for applications in June. Awesome. I also did some searches for other grants, but have missed the cycles on them for this year. But, I noted them for next year.

Goal Two:

Get novel up on Smashwords or another e-book site. NOT DONE

Unfortunately, if I want my e-book to go onto places like Amazon, I need cover art. But, I have started going over the formatting guidelines for Smashwords and am ready to take a Sunday to get the novel ready to go but for the cover.

Goal Three:

Find a graphics artist. Well, I’ve put my need out there. I need to chat with the hubby and see how much I can afford to pay for this or what we could barter. I need to keep putting my need out there.

Bonus:

I got the prologue and five chapters of my novel up on this blog. I have been wanting to do that for a while and I finally just made time to do it one night — it helps that Hubby is playing Grand Theft Auto 4 and I have no desire to watch it. LOL!

I have it down on my to do list for my next batch of goals to look into promoting this blog and getting more readers. So, I’ll be doing some reesearch on that. All in all, more forward motion than has been happening in a long time. I am pleased!

My aching back…

I really need to find a better place than hunched over the coffee table. But, it’s so convenient. Right by the TV, the fridge… In the middle of the family in case they need me. Oh right, those don’t exactly help my writing, do they?

However, tonight, I feel like I got a good amount accomplished. I’ve gotten a good start on my blogging for the night, the house is clean, and I’ve finally put chapters from “Promises Kept” up on the blog. Yay me!

Unfortunately, because I want to do a certain level at Smashwords, I need cover art before I can proceed there. So, until that happens, I’m going to be looking for a graphic artist who is willing to work for not a huge commission. I’m also going to continue on my Eastern Kentucky book. I have it outlined and the ideas for the stories and photos ready to go.Just need to get it started. I’d like to put that up on Lulu, so I need to see about their guidelines…

It’s not giant steps, but every little step forward brings me closer to my dreams.

Just Need One Day, 2 Pounds of M & M’s, Coke Zero…

I sat down tonight, fully intending to get my novel up on Smashwords. I mean, how hard could it be, right? A few legal bits here and there and then upload. Easy, peasy…

Not so.

No, I need to get a bunch more done and go step by step through their guidelines to make sure I don’t screw anything up. I’m vaguely frustrated, not because it’s complicated or hard to do, but because it’s something that needs a block of time. This is not something where I can start and stop. Unfortunately, that’s not something I have in my cards right now.

And that is the crux of my problem. There are projects or pieces of projects that require a significant chunk of time, all at once, to complete. How do you find this chunk? My evenings at from approximately 5:30PM til 9:30PM — and during them I need to do laundry, dinner, clean up from dinner, get a Boy taken care of, get myself ready for the next day, tidy the house, and a myriad of other chores.

I’ve thought about getting up earlier, but then I’d have to go to bed earlier. Being bipolar, I need my eight hours at least every night. If not, my emotions start to shift. So, I’m being good with my sleep. That is a precious commodity.

So, I’m doing what I can over the course of the week and planning on Sunday being my day to settle in with Smashwords. I’ll make a little hidey-hole in the house and get the novel formated for it.

On the plus side, I did get a goal done writing-wise. I’ve started researching grants. In a perfect world, I could find enough grants to keep me home and off a desk while I wrote. I don’t expect that to happen, but every little bit will help.

And now, I’m off to continue with my to do lists, both for my writing and for the house. Wish me luck!

My Weekly Writing Goals

Here we go… I’m putting my goals up here and out there so I have to be accountable.  I’m not going to overburden myself. No more than five and I’ll go fewer if one goal is bigger than the others.

Goal One:

Check on the grants from the Kentucky Foundation for Women. I’d like to see about applying for one for my Eastern Kentucky book.

Goal Two:

Get my novel up on Smashmouth or some other e-book site.

Goal Three:

Look for a cover artist so I can get my book up on Lulu for hard copies.

And there we go. It’s Monday, I’ve made my goals. Let’s see how far I can get before next Monday.